I'm Sorry.
3/15/09I can't believe how long it's been. I'm absolutely sorry. I'm busy and lazy and have too much going on. I decided (FOR NOW!) that I'm just gonna update the blog because I don't have time to make layout previews. I have plenty of layouts already made, but it's just too much work. I will start up again during the summer & already have multiple ideas planned! So get ready for that!
Anyways, High School is a drag; I hate it! Science Olympiad is eating away at my time but I'm committed 100%. I want to make it to Nationals so badly. I'll work as harder than ever. If I do make it to Nationals, I've decided that I'm going to send a postcard to PostSecret everyday I'm there; so keep on the lookout for those!
Again I feel reallllllllllly bad. But that's just the way things work out. (No comment link.)
Yussss!
1/1/09again, it's been a LONGGGGGG while. btw Happy New Years! but guess what?!?!?! I got the layouts up!!! look at the navigation or click here! That's not all of them but a lot of them. I'm working on new stylesheets and jazz. Yeah, so maybe you've been wondering what I've been up to, putting this off. Well, I've been on Christmas Break since two week ago; 12/18/08 to be in fact. But I've been on MySpace a lot and, oh, of course iminlikeiwithyou! it's a site. I'll explain more later. But I'm thinking of doing site reviews that people don't really know about, so keep your eye out for those. I also updated the Video section. I added a TV Show Forum, WTF?! Forum, and Beauty Tip section a while back, also. So check all of that out. I plan to be updated more, because I'm committed to this. I don't wanna screw this up. I just really wish the site host would allow php! it makes me angry. That's all for now. Pceeee.
Wow.
11/24/08it has definitely been a while. Nope, still no layouts. I'll get it done over the break. :D I have a bunch of new videos in the video section! So, check those out. There's one in there that I keep private. ;] no bad mumbo though. :] Lots have happened. Jordan: we're okay now. I still don't trust her at all. New friends: I'm finding out who they really are, and am beginning to hate them. :/ Parents: getting out of the house is (right now) the best thing I can do. They annoy almost every minute I'm at home; at least my mom does anyway. but I gotta shower. it's 8:40 and I want to watch Good Eats. :]
fuck fuck fuck!
10/17/08you know what, just fuck the entire world. I hate everyone in it. I hate everyone
that I loved last year.
All my friends that I had last year, avoid me, hate me, don't return my text or
phone calls. And I want nothing to do with them right now! and for the time to
come. I try to fix things they don't work. I try to make things better between
us, HELL WITH THAT! I'll never try again. I'll be friends with people who don't
treat me like hella shit!
FUCK MY SISTER and all she stands for. my little sister is the biggest most
fucking annoying retard I have ever been on contact with. I don't want to be
friends with her I don't want to be nice to her. and I won't be. I promise I
won't the day I leave I won't have to put off with this stupid ass family
anymore. I'm tired of trying to be accepted by her. I won't try anymore. It's a
waste of my time and my effort. I have that stupid girl and her mother. She's
not my mother anymore. I don't accept her/ I won't accept her. She is
close-minded and stupid! She knows nothing and goes only by one thing when she
hears yelling: What did you do Michelle?
What the fuck?!? this isn't my fucking fault, I don't care how many times she
says that anymore. I hate her, I hate her so much. I hate them both. I hate my
stupid fucked up family. I hate them so much. I don't care. I don't want to live
her. I don't care anymore if I get put into foster care, okay MOM? I want to be
put there, I hate this family.
Nothing makes sense anymore. I hate my life and hate the world. No one wants to
fix things anymore. And I'm not gonna force them. so fuck off and fuck the
world. There will be no comment button to this for a while, becasue I don't want
to talk about it.
Don't except layouts soon, because I'm too pissed off to do anything. But I'll
try to get the Halloween ones up. Sorry for the rant, sorry if I wasted your
time. --michelle.
More Updates!
10/13/08more updates, but no layouts yet. =/ sorry. Making videos are easy, but layouts are boring and take up too much time!
Plus I had to watch Gossip Girl! It was soooo good, but the ending was excepted.
I'm gonna start TV show forums on here so I can talk! and you can too! Not a lot
to say today like yesterday. OMG, I just remembered. So jordan as me if I was
mad at her...
Yeah, I was walking and she asked me. And I was like 'FINALLY!' in my head, but
it came out as, "Sorta." yeah, just sorta. can you believe?!?!? AGHH! it made me
soo angry that it came out like that. In the post yesterday, It was planned out
as a BIG yell-at-her thing, but no; it didn't happen that way. lame! I'm gonna
tell her tomorrow! I will! Even if she doesn't ask again! because I'm getting so
pissed off.
I'm off for now. I'm gonna start making those forums!
So I lied
10/12/08Yeah, I lied about the layouts thing. I was getting really bored making live previews so I just stopped. :/
but oh well. I don't really care that much. They'll be up sooner or later. So a
vlog goes with this entry! pretty much the first one because I count the very
first one a intro and not a vlog. I would do more previews today, BUT i forgot I
have homework. D: so I have to hurry up and do that. And at the end of
yesterday's entry I said I have stories to tell about Jordan and alaina. first
alaina was somewhat explained in the vlog and the Jordan story is like a
continuation of the other time when we were fighting.
Alaina goes first! Well, our bracelets are pretty much friendship bracelets with
a twist. :D there are those lameeeeeoooo past bracelets from the 80's movie
where BFF's vow to not fight over a guy they like. Yeah, we like the same guy.
:/ it's kind of lame that we do, but we do. :D So we had an agreement and stuff.
that's why we made each other bracelets! :] End.
Jordan, next. Uhm, well I guess we made up like a day after it all happened. No
words were said and we just magically became friends again. The day we came back
to school and saw each other, she said she was changing; that she stopped
leaving people. I was happy and all that jazz. but then she came over to help me
make Halloween invitations and when she left my sister asked me why I still hung
with her after what she did. I just said "because I do" but it made me think of
how she actually treats me. Which I came to the conclusion that she didn't
freaking change at all! that she changed for that day and that day only! and not
even the entire day, maybe 3 hours! are you freaking kidding me?! So at school I
started to avoid her and stopped talking to her as much. But every time she
asked me if I was mad at her I said no. plain out no! And I knew I was lying to
myself and her. I started to plan out what I needed to say to her in my head,
but it still came out as no. Then I talked to my friend Sam who helped in me in
the first fight. I told him exactly what I wanted to say which is,
"Yes of course I'm mad at you. Is that a surprise? It is shocking to you since
what you did to me? Really? You treat me like shit and you still think I'm gonna
be your best friend. You think that I'm your best friend, really? After all, you
chose your other friends over one of your "best friends" to go to homecoming
with and had a crappy time. I'm glad you did. Karma is a bitch, and I had a
wonderful time without you and my actually friends."
and yell at her for and he told me,
"now, I know you're not really the person to do this. but I'd go ahead and do
it. yell at her. tell her why she's pissing you off, tell her karma's a bitch,
tell her she treats you like shit. one of two things will probably happen.
either she'll figure it out, finally, and try to change, or stop communicating
and maintain a fake "oh, I'm so glad to see you!" attitude in public. otherwise,
you're only hurting yourself by keeping your issues with her inside. this way,
she stands to get some of what she deserves for treating you like shit."
And I totally believed I should do this. but she didn't ask me again if I was
mad at her and I still treated her the same way. For some reason she kept being
gone and so I couldn't see her. I still kept leaving her when she'd rudely
interrupt what I was saying to talk to her other friends. But she still didn't
catch on. And now I really don't fucking know what to do. I just want to tell
her how pissed I am at her and tell her if she doesn't change then I don't want
to be friends. Actually I want to tell her this: (btw I go to West and there's
another high school called East)
"Yes, yes I am mad at you. Do you really think I wasn't after the way I tried to
avoid you? After the way you treated since high school started. You say I'm one
of your best friends, but you've replaced me by other. Sarah is probably only
your friend because she has no one else and she's used to being left out. You
said your trying to change, but that's bullshit! really, you might of changed
for two hours, four maybe. but you probably just stopped trying after you saw
that I was your friend again. but I really don't care about you anymore. I
rarely ever give out second chances and I already gave you yours. I don't want
to be friends with you, if your not gonna change. Sometimes I wish I could of
went to East, so we could of drifted apart like all my other crappy friends who
didn't really care about me and didn't care about losing me as a friend."
I was really freaking mean in that last paragraph, but it's the truth. I don't
see how anyone is friends with her when she treats them the same way. I've
talked to multiple people and they feel the same way I do. Anyone who is friends
with her, probably has no one else. I'm not going to be pushed aside by
so-called friends. I am a person, DAMMIT! and
I have much better friends than her who treats me like absolute shit.
Wow, this is really long. But I have a lot of anger inside. I hope tomorrow, on
Monday, I can finally say what I need to.
YAY, layouts!
10/11/08So, this is what's going down. Most of the layouts will be posted today. All the old ones should be up soon!
I just have to code a few new styles and more new layouts! Then it will finally
be done! :D No video today... I really actually hate my first video, so I don't
know. But hopefully they'll keep coming! I had to clean my room today. or else I
wouldn't be able to get on the computer or get my TV back. its a longggg story,
sigh. So I cleaned my room and my closet. Well, my room is actually clean and my
closet is my kind of clean. ;] There's still some clothes laying on the ground
of it but otherwise it's still mostly clean. So I want to tell a story about my
closet and clothes in general, so I will.
About the every six months that I clean my closet, only because my daddy makes
me, I discard about half of my clothes. (I don't actually mean throw away; I
mean more of give to my little sister or if it's still to big for her, throw in
that corner in the closet. xD) Most of the clothes I have are hand-me-downs from
my older sister. And most of the them are absolutely DREADFUL!
Like I don't even want to look at them. I have barely any clothes left. I just
went shopping yesterday, trying to find a store to call my own, but I couldn't!
I did get this jacket thing though. It's hella cuteeee! I love it, but I really need to get more clothes. I
have like no winter clothes. what am I gonna wear all winter!? I love winter clothes and have like mostly none!!
It's funny how style changes in as little as three years. My sister is
three years older than me, so the first sentence makes sense. The biggest change
I see is from bold, colorful, loose-fitting clothing to layers, neutral colors,
tight-fitting clothing. I would show you an example, but I think you get the
point. It used not matter where you get your clothes, but now it's all
Hollister, Aeropostale, American Eagle, and such. I have never shopped at any of
those store except for Aeropostale once. And the only reason for that was my
friends wanted to go in there. I truthfully hate those stores. It's poor quality
clothing for an expensive price!
But enough ranting on, I'll let you go on with your day and I'll go on with mine
trying to update! goodbye. Michelle. and oh yeah, I have a good story next time
about my ex-friend Jordan and my new friend Alaina's and I's pact bracelets!
Finally, a Vlog!! oh yeah, grand opening also! x]
10/9/08yeah, so I haven't updated in a while... sorry! but I'm finally done!! and it's finally the grand opening! I'm extremely happy. :D Yeah, the layouts and stuff aren't up yet, and I am totally sorry for that. :/ but yeah. Hopefully over the weekend I'll get it done! I was gonna say something, but I totally forgot. but before I forget this: check out the layout site's MySpace: here! so yeah anyway. I will probably have another vlog by this weekend when I update some more! Yay, I finally figured out what I was gonna say. Don't bother trying to look this video up on YouTube, because you can't. :/ I put it on private because it's just an intro to my site, nothing special and be quite weird when people have no idea what I'm talking about. And if you wanna know the songs I'll post them at the end of this blog. So that's it for now! :D
- 어쩌다 (How) -- Brown Eyed Girls
- Nobody -- Wonder Girls
- Whatever You Like -- T.I.
- Eat You up -- BoA
Shitty Friends
9/18/08no, the title isn't so supposed to be funny or joking or anything like that. I have shitty friends. forreal. And I can't stand it.
I am depressed and mad at jordan. more than you can imagine. I can't keep this
kind of stuff bottled inside, so I texted her this: I need to let you know something. Ive been extremely sad depressed and mad
because of you since tuesday. And now today I learned uve been a shady friend all this time. U can call to talk about it if you want. That's
exactly what I wrote. And she did call me and before I knew it I started crying.
Because I was losing my best friend. and I couldn't do anything about it. I'm
crying right now just thinking about it. she kept saying that she has been a horrible friend lately and that I
could say anything I wanted to make things better, but everything I planned to
say in my head disappeared and just turned into crying and saying "I don't
know.", "I don't know what to do.", and sighh. She had to go, but said she'd
call me back but that was one and half hours ago. I don't think it takes that
long to send you sister to dance. I really don't know what to do though. She
really is my best friend and I really don't want to lose her, but I can tell that
she has replaced me and if we keep being friends she'll replace me even more. my
sister says I should get better friends, and I agree. I was sooo angry yesterday
and now I'm back to crying. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO! I'm so lost and hurt and
need someone to talk to. In a situation like this I would've called jordan, but
I can't. I am talking to lauren though, :D and she's making it better. I like
people who cheer me up so yeah. I hope she calls back, --later michelle.
btw, I took out two old posts, but if you want to read it go here!
[EDIT] I got tired of waiting for her to call, because it's
been 3 1/2 hours. So I called her and she didn't pick up. And I just hope she
didn't have her phone on her (which is very unlikely for her) or she's busy,
which I doubt that because she would still pick it up if she was busy. I think
she doesn't want to pick up her phone, and now I have no idea what to do. I'm
crying now, because now I think we can never fix things between us. I wanted to
just talk it out and I don't think I can do that anymore. my best friend is
gone, the chance to get her back is gone, my strive to find a better friend is
gone. best friends are no more for me now, best friends will always break up. I
should of known, it's already happened three times. I know that Jordan will
probably never read this but, Jordan, you really are my best friend and I don't
want to lose you but I don't want to get replaced and I don't want to be shoved
aside anymore. [/EDIT]
[EDIT2] Okay so I'm dumb. Jordan was at dinner with her family.
But really when we talk I'll say everything that I think is wrong between us and
to see if we can fix it. But if we are going to be friends are I don't want to
get shoved aside (as said in the the EDIT) and if something like this ever
happens again, I won't try. I won't be her friend again. I won't want to be her
friend again. This is my second chance to her. I rarely ever give out second
chances so she better use it wisely. [/EDIT2]
[EDIT3] She gave up her chance. She gave up the only other
chance she had. I really don't care. We really can't be close friends anymore.
It just won't work that. I don't even know if we can be friends anymore. We're
just different people. And obviously that won't change. I am my own person. I
have reasons why I'm this way. I have reasons why I'm always alone. I have
reasons why I feel so hurt being shoved a--freaking--side. I. have. reasons! It
really doesn't work. It doesn't work to plan things out in your head to say. It
doesn't work when you say, "Michelle, try your hardest not to cry." because it
just comes out. You don't even know. Both say a few words and then tears start
streaming down your face. As much as I didn't want to cry, I did. As much as I
still wanted to be best friends, it couldn't work. Things between us won't work
anymore. I don't know what to think anymore. We had an overly long silence, then
said goodbye. We can't fix it, I can tell. It's just our nature. She thinks it's
alright just to leave/ditch people, but its NOT! She may have a bunch of
friends, but I do too. And when I walk with someone and see another one of my
friends I don't leave that person to go talk to my other friend. That's wrong. I
say hey, wave, and walk past. Or if I want to talk to them I at least say, "Wait
a minute, please." or "Come on." and have them come with me to talk. Again, I'm
so dumb. Not because of a simple miscalculation, but because I was so dumb to
think that we could be the same, the same as it used to be. I think I'm better
off doing what my sister told me: make new friends who are better.
which I definitely will. I already have one, her name is Lauren Garcia. :] I'm
dang lucky. I'll find friends, but not a best friend because I don't need one.
Like role models they tend you can quote me. :] (I'm very repetitive using the first part of a
sentence.) [/EDIT3]